


A_very_Tobin_X-mas.exe

by idinathoreau



Category: Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist (TV)
Genre: Chaos, F/F, F/M, M/M, Mutual Pining, Post Season 1, and he did, gay pining, hence why Max isn't here, holiday party, in which tobin is also a low-key wingman, someone gave tobin permission to go nuts, the whole office knows Zoey and Joan have feels but dont say anything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:42:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28299150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idinathoreau/pseuds/idinathoreau
Summary: “Who the HELL put Tobin in charge of the Christmas party?”Joan's back from her CEO duties just in time for the annual office holiday party. Tobin's in charge. What could possibly go wrong?
Relationships: Tobin Batra/Leif Donnelly (implied), Zoey Clarke/Joan
Comments: 3
Kudos: 34
Collections: Zoey's Playlist Secret Santa 2020





	A_very_Tobin_X-mas.exe

**Author's Note:**

> Just a chaotic holiday fic I had in mind. Nothing is supposed to make sense, it's just supposed to be a gay old time. Consider it my secret santa gift to the entire ZoeyxJoan fan group.

Tobin had never actually feared for his life before. But right now, facing down both of his bosses (one covered in foam, the other fake snow) twin glares boring holes in his face, he was debating if he was fit enough to outrun them both.

Joan shifted, feet sliding around on her rollerskates. Zoey bristled further, her hair seemingly standing on end.

Tobin gulped.

_Definitely not._

With running no longer an option, he brought up the only argument he could think of:

“In my defense, you didn’t say I _couldn’t_ plan the All-inclusive Holiday-themed workspace booze party…”

* * *

_Six hours earlier_

“Who the _HELL_ put Tobin in charge of the Christmas party?”

Tobin instinctively ducked at the voice, sliding out of his chair and down onto the floor as Joan marched past. 

“Zoey!” Joan barked, head swinging back and forth as she sought out the red-headed manager. 

Zoey peeked out from a coding chair, pulling her headphones down. “J…Joan!” She flushed, fiddling with her tablet. “We…welcome back…how was…Singapore?”

Tucked out of sight, Tobin watched from under his desk as Joan leaned over Zoey’s chair, hair dangling over the coder’s head. 

“Zoey, why in the name of Martha Stewart is _Tobin_ organizing the party?”

Zoey fidgeted but didn’t shrink away. “He went over my head, Joan…”

“ _I’m_ acting CEO, he didn’t ask permission from me!”

“Not you…” Zoey grimaced. “…Glenn.”

Tobin smirked as Joan ran off, seeking out the floor amenities manager, Zoey tailing behind her in a desperate attempt to mediate. It had been easy to convince Glenn to let him do it. All he’d needed to do was promise the guy he could light the office tree.

“T-Minus 2 minutes…This better be worth it Tobes…” Leif commented.

“Bro…” Tobin paused as he worked himself out from his hiding place. “You don’t even know. This party is going to be off the hook!”

“I’m afraid to ask what you’ve done…”

Across the room, Joan spotted Tobin emerging and pushed past Glenn to stalk his way. 

But this time, Tobin grinned. “Y’all wont be disappointed. Just let _MC T-Claus_ show you a rockin’ good time!”

Leif raised an eyebrow. “What…?”

Tobin donned his themed hat emblazoned with his stage name.

“Let’s get ready to paarrrr-tayyyy!”

With a snap of his fingers, the lights went out. A single beam of a spotlight hit the steps to the upper floor. 

Peering upward, Zoey froze in shock.

“Mo? What are you doing here?”

Mo waved, clad in a resplendent evening gown of the most Christmas-y red imaginable. “Tobin hired me for the party. Said he needed my X-mas swagger, which I have in excess!” He raised a hand. “Now, who’s ready for some holiday mix-tapes!” 

The deejay scratched his record and the room sprung alive with colors and sleigh bell music. The workers all glanced around, unsure what to do.

Joan was still on the warpath. “Tobin!”

But Tobin was in his element now. He grabbed the mic he’d stashed several days prior and swag-walked his way over to the steps just outside the conference room.

“This, is the make-out zone!” Tobin declared. He pointed upward at the roughly 50 springs of mistletoe dangling in an unholy heap from the rafters. “So long as at least one person is standing here, the party must go on!”

Joan rolled her eyes. “Clearly someone watched _Office Christmas Party_ one too many times…”

Tobin pointed at her. “Kate McKinnon is a treasure, Joan. And that all-star cast calls for too many laughs.”

Zoey shrugged, smirking but looked away as Joan glanced at her, cheeks flaring red. 

Right on cue, the elevators opened, revealing boxes of alcohol. 

Tobin grinned. “The booze is here! So LET’S GET THIS BASH STARTED BROS!!”

Now the staff cheered. 

* * *

One hour in and already, Tobin knew this year was gonna be one to remember.

The live tree had been installed in the center of the floor, draped with tinsel and gaudy paper decorations. 

Leif had taken his role as the holiday elf seriously and was rollerskating around passing out gifts. Simon and some chick from the 3rd floor were inching towards the make-out zone, Simon’s beard woven with tinsel. Mo was keeping the dance floor pumping with a dub-step version of _Rudolph_. 

And his bar staff had set up lines of peppermint shots on the bar for the candy cane contest, luring people in with the promise of free alcohol and prestige. All they had to do was drink a line of peppermint schnapps shots without using their hands.

Zoey was making surprisingly good time, knocking back shots like a pro, a line of coders cheering her on. Joan was the only one matching her, both of them running towards the last shot in the center like they were in the Kentucky Derby.

They were matching so perfectly that they both reached the last shot at the same time.

Both women froze as their cheeks touched, lips millimeters apart on the tiny shot glass. Their eyes met briefly before Joan jerked back.

Rotating completely away, Zoey downed the last shot and raised her arms in victory. 

“Allllllllright!” Tobin shouted into his microphone. “We have a winner! Zoey-mo-money, the undisputed candy cane contest champion!”

The crowd cheered as a flushed and tipsy Zoey waved. Tobin plunked the candy-cane hat down on her head. He glanced around for Joan but the older woman was already back at the bar, downing a martini and staring a Zoey with hungry eyes. 

“Zoey…” She’d only been gone for two months…why the hell was seeing Zoey again after all that time throwing her for such a loop?

Her head felt hollow as she downed another martini. 

* * *

“Okay!” Three hours in and things were getting serious. Leif was hardcore flirting with a chick from HR, Mo had broken out _the Nutcracker_ music, and somehow news of the party had leaked upstairs. 

The 6th floor had arrived in matching Santa hats, bringing booze of their own, more roller skates (for some reason) and a competitive spirit that had prompted everything from arm wrestling to drinking games to a roller-derby SmackDown ring. And Tobin was loving every minute of it. 

“Let’s keep that booze flowing and those games a-going!” This party was going to be legendary!

Joan and Ava had found each other on the floor and something was sparking their old rivalry.

“I can take you Joanie…” Ava was saying. “any time, any mode of transport.”

Joan kicked off her heels, already gesturing for a pair of skates. “Then dust off your broom, cause you’re gonna need it to keep up with me.”

The whole party started chanting as the women lined up at the starting point. Tobin popped his Christmas cracker and the bosses flew off. They remained neck-in-neck for a time, glaring at each other and pushing hard. 

Joan skidded into the final stretch, legs pumping, crowd cheering. She put on a burst of speed as she rounded the turn. But about halfway through she instantly realized she wasn’t going to make it. She was out of control.

“Look out!” Her warning went unheeded and to her horror, the obstacle in her path was a very familiar redhead.

They collided and the crowd oohed in sympathy. The pair skidded a good way, Joan sprawled completely on top of a flabbergasted Zoey. Face in chest, hands around her neck. Zoey’s candy cane hat jammed into her face.

Mo peered down at them as they finally bumped into the wall and came to a stop. 

Hands were flailing. Bodies were squirming.

“Oh my gosh….Joan…Joan I’m so…so sorry!” Zoey squeaked, trying to somehow wriggle free when Joan’s full weight was on her. 

Horrified, Joan pulled herself away from the younger woman, face completely red. “I…I ran into you! Why are _you_ apologizing?!”

“I DON’T KNOW!” 

For a second, Mo considered helping out. But then he shrugged and went back to his music. They’d figure it out.

Joan and Zoey struggled to stand, both of them slipping back down multiple times and hands roaming far too liberally. Slowly, by some miracle, they made it back upright. 

Zoey tensed as she accidentally squeezed a breast that was not her own. She flinched back only to find herself pinwheeling drunkenly. Joan grabbed her around her shoulders and the momentum, combined with her skated feet sent them slamming into the wall. 

Zoey’s breath caught for the tenth time as Joan was once again unexpectedly up in her personal space, breathing into her face and making her feel all tingly. 

“Uhhh. Hi.”

“Hi…”

The party pulsed around them, ignoring them now that all could see they were fine. But Zoey still felt like she was standing in a bright spot light. Her lips parted.

Clearing her throat, Joan pushed herself away, skating away from Zoey without looking at her. 

A deep drunk sadness sunk down into Zoey’s chest. 

What was she supposed to say? That she’d missed Joan? That she was glad she came tonight? That she hated to think that Joan was going to leave again?

Wincing from her collision bruises, Zoey peeled herself off the wall and went in search of another drink. 

Well, at least the night couldn’t get any worse…

* * *

As midnight approached, Tobin readied for the big moment. He gazed out over his domain, smirking proudly at all his good work had accomplished.

Ava and some chick from marketing were hording the make-out zone, clothes looking dangerously loose. Some guys from the IT department had brought out some cookies and from the looks of things, they weren’t _just_ cookies. The entire accounting department were munching on them at the whiteboard, all staring at a picture of a snowflake someone had drawn like it was the Mona Lisa. The dance floor was hopping with a remix of _12 days of Christmas_ and the hardcore version of _Carol of the Bells_.

Zoey had been sulking at Mo’s side, trying to prompt the deejay into conversation. Mo finally waved her away as he caught Tobin’s eye and winked. 

Joan had been nursing drinks at the bar, not trying very hard to hide the fact that she was constantly shooting looks at Zoey since their collision earlier.

Tobin nodded. Not bad. He could do better.

“MIDDDDNNNNIGGGHTTT APPROACHETHH!” Tobin hollered into his microphone. All eyes turned to him where he perched at the top of the steps. 

Tobin mounted his sled and grinned. “And you know what that means! _MC T-Claus_ is comin’ to town!”

Joan’s eyes widened as she realized exactly what Tobin was planning to do. 

“Oh god…” She sprang up , stumbling on her skates but it was too late. 

With a loud whoop, Tobin pushed off and his sled rocketed down the stairs.

Well, this was much faster than he had calculated…

He shot off the staircase at the turn, yelling as he flew right towards the nest.

“Ooh!!” The party went eerily silent. Joan stared, already wondering if she would be liable if Tobin managed to kill himself with this stunt.

The sled buried itself in the woven structure but Tobin bounced right off, falling the ten feet to the hard ground.

“Tobes!” Leif was suddenly alongside him, hand on his back, “tool” written in what looked like frosting on his forehead. “You okay bro? Talk to me!”

Head feeling light, Tobin sprang upright, hands groping his naked head. “Where’s my hat? Is my hat okay?!”

The whole party cheered at his success, the hat was recovered from further back along his trajectory and Tobin ushered them all towards the tree. The sled remained wedged in the nest. 

“Ho, ho ho! Time for the tree lighting!”

Everyone drifted around the tree, Ava and her partner sneaking off towards the bathrooms, Simon and his girl giggling uncontrollably as they huddled closer at Max’s old desk. Zoey sidled forward, eying Joan sadly from several feet away. Joan, new martini in hand, watched Tobin suspiciously. Tobin however, was handing things off to the official tree-lighter - Glenn. 

“Merry All-inclusive Holiday party!” Glenn called.

Mo started up a new song - _Rockin’ around, the Christmas tree…_

But as Glenn began the countdown, a deep sense of foreboding took root in Joan’s stomach. She inched closer to Zoey, one eye on the switch in Glenn’s hands. She downed the rest of her martini and threw the glass aside.

“Three…two…one…!!! Light it up!”

Glenn flipped the switch and the tree exploded. 

Well, not exactly. It _did_ light up but mainly because fireworks were suddenly shooting and pinwheeling out from it in every direction, screaming and whistling. The tree burst into fire instantly, the flames inches from Zoey’s hair.

In one fluid motion, Joan snatched Zoey back, barely avoiding the last whistling wheel as it exploded into nothing above their heads. 

Zoey clung to her, feet barely touching the ground, panting in shock as the party devolved into chaos. People were running away from the fire or towards the tree to get a look. Ava and her companion stumbled out of the bathroom, saw the chaos and just continued making out in the entryway.

Clutching Zoey close to her, Joan rounded on a shell-shocked Glenn. 

“ _Why_ are there fireworks in it?!”

Tobin slid over, poking his head in between Glenn and the still-embracing women. “I think the question you really want to be asking there is why have there never been fireworks in it before?”

“Dozens of reasons!” Zoey exclaimed, clutching Joan tighter as the tree flared. “Fire codes! Flammablity! Common sense!”

“You know I don’t believe in any of those Z-dawg.”

The tree sparked and all of them jumped back. Zoey finally seemed to realize that Joan was basically carrying her and froze, staring up at the older woman.

Joan was still laying into Tobin, shouting about liabilities and property damage and where the hell did he even get fireworks this time of year?

Glenn took the opportunity to dart away, searching for the fire extinguisher. 

“I have this entirely under control, Joan!” Tobin insisted, speaking up as the sled and a chunk of the nest crashed to the floor behind him. “The cannons should go off any second now.”

Both Joan and Zoey paled. Joan finally released Zoey as she caught sight of large black cannons on the corners of the room. 

“Oh my god…” Zoey breathed, glancing between them. “those are cannons? Real cannons?” 

Joan gave her a terrified look. “No…no he wouldn’t…”

“Except he absolutely would…” Zoey sprinted for the closest one, struggling to find a fuse box, switch or lever of some kind. “How the hell do you operate this thing!” She ran around to the front, eyeing the opening. 

Tobin’s timer struck midnight. Right on time, the fake snow cannon deployed.

Unfortunately, Zoey was staring down the barrel of that cannon. 

“mmpphhh!!! Tooo-viinn!” Zoey struggled to scream around a mouthful of white confetti. 

“Zoey!” 

Joan darted forward on her skates, just as Glenn finally sprinted back into the room with the fire extinguisher. He pointed the nozzle and let loose a torrent of foam…just as Joan sprinted between him and the flaming tree. 

The deluge caught Joan full in the face. She skidded on her rollerskates, once again careening straight into Zoey. 

This time, the redhead ended up on top, fully straddling Joan. Both women froze, their faces inches apart for the third time that night.

“uhh….uhhh….uhhhh.” Zoey stammered. 

“whooo-weee, this was well worth the price of admission…” Mo chuckled, sipping on his champagne as the chaos raged around him. 

Tobin began inching towards the elevators as Glenn and Simon finally got the tree extinguished. Fake snow still drifted through the air as the looped track of “ _Rockin’ around the Christmas tree_ ” kept echoing through the floor.

“TOBIN!!!”

He sheepishly turned around, trying to smile. “Oh hey Joan…Zoey…you two…having…having a good time?”

Joan glared, the effect only dampened slightly by her extinguisher foam highlights and beard. “This whole party…this whole night…has gotten way out of control.”

A little late, the second cannon went off. It was supposed to rain candy canes over the crowd. Instead it dusted them all with peppermint-scented sugar. 

Tobin fidgeted. “In my defense, you didn’t say I _couldn’t_ plan the All-inclusive Holiday-themed workspace booze party…”

His bosses were rolling up sleeves now. 

He gulped. 

“We’re making a new company rule, effective immediately.” Joan glared. “No more Tobin parties. Shut it down.”

Glancing up, Tobin felt a wash of relief. “Well…I’d love to Joan but…”

“But?” Zoey prodded. “But what?”

Tobin pointed. “You two are kinda standing in the make-out zone…”

His bosses glanced up, expressions sliding from confused to shocked to expectant faster than it took for Tobin to back away. 

He tilted his hat to the women and gave them a jolly grin. 

“Merry Christmas to all! And to all a good night!”

Then he ran for his life.

Zoey glanced sideways at a silent and still Joan. All around them, the office floor teamed with smoke, fake snow, foam, peppermint dust, and the drunk sneezes of their colleagues.

“I…I mean…” She began, stammering and blushing a deep red. “Tobin did go to all this trouble…and….and mistletoe laws are…are so clearly…”

“Oh shut up and kiss me…” Joan mumbled, rolling her eyes.

That was all it took for Zoey to throw her arms around Joan’s neck and kiss her senseless right there in the middle of the room, foam and all. Bracing herself against the conference room wall, Joan managed to keep them from rolling away as Zoey hopped up around her waist, deepening their kiss.

Tobin fist-bumped Mo and melted back into the dancing roller skaters and softly falling confetti. 

Best All-inclusive Holiday-themed workspace booze party EVER!


End file.
